Tag Archives: Forgiveness

Forgive Yourself

During these days of repentance between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, we spend extra time reflecting on ourselves. We insert additional words into our daily Amidah prayers, asking God to remember the good that we have done in our lives.

But we are supposed to do more than just recite additional words of liturgy. We are taught to spend these days saying sorry. We apologize to those that we have wronged – knowingly and unknowingly – through the past year. We reach out to family members, friends, co-workers, and classmates, and apologize if we have hurt them in anyway. Sometimes, it is easy to know when we have wronged another. Other times though, we hurt someone’s feelings without even realizing it. That is why we reach out to those that we care about to say we’re sorry, whether we know we have hurt them or not.

In that vein, I want to apologize to you if I have done anything during this past year to hurt you. If I did, I truly apologize.

Forgive

We first ask for forgiveness from others, and then we ask for forgiveness from God. We repent during these days leading up to Yom Kippur so that we can beginning the most serious of days apologizing to God. We go into the day of fasting, a day filled with admitting our mistakes and transgressions, knowing that God will forgive us. We wear white on Yom Kippur because it is a symbol of a new beginning. We believe that we will be sealed for a new start and clean slate in the year to come.

Lastly, and most important, we need to forgive ourselves. We are our own biggest critics. We are often harder on ourselves than others are. We continue to feel the pain of our wrongdoings long after we have turned a new page. The most important step in this process of renewal is being able to forgive ourselves. Yes, we must admit our mistakes, but just as we did during the Tashlikh ritual, we must let go of what we’ve done in order to truly begin again. May we have the courage to ask ourselves for forgiveness and may we have the strength to finally forgive ourselves.

Wishing you a meaningful conclusion to these days of reflection!

Gmar Chatima Tova!

-Rabbi Jesse M. Olitzky

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Be Like Esau

A week and a half ago, I ended Shabbat as I always do, by checking the news and seeing what has happened in the world over the past twenty-four hours. It was then that I read about the arson attack at the Hand-in-Hand school in Jerusalem. A preschool classroom in this school, a school overseen be Arab and Jewish principals, a school where hundreds of Arab and Jewish students learn together from Pre-Kindergarten until 12th grade, was engulfed in flames, likely set on fire by Jewish extremists in a so called “price tag” attack. In addition to the arson attack, graffiti has regularly been found on the walls, which read: Death to Arabs, and You can’t coexist with cancer. Such attacks are nationalistically motivated hate crimes, and this was likely in response to the many terrorist attacks that have occurred throughout the past several weeks, most notably the butchering of worshippers in a synagogue in the Jerusalem neighborhood of Har Nof.

Yet, even more notably, was the response of the students. On Sunday, the day after the attack, Arab and Jewish students gathered in the park across from the school. Supporting the school’s motto of “We refuse to be enemies,” one student said: “This is a bad thing, but it shows us how important this school – and the idea behind it – is”. “We want to prove that Arabs and Jews can live together in Israel,” he said. “We are all human and need to respect each other.” No retaliation. Only love.

I am reminded of this summer when Eyal, Naftali, and Gil’ad were kidnapped as they hitchhiked home from their West Bank Yeshiva and were brutally murdered and burned to a crisp. Rachel Fraenkel, the mourning mother of Naftali Fraenkel, made a public statement when hearing of the revenge killing of Muhammad Abu Khdeir by Jewish extremists. “Even in the abyss of mourning,” she said, “it is difficult to describe how distressed we are by the outrage committed in Jersualem.” She denounced such a revenge killing and even visited Abu Khdeir’s mother to offer condolences.

To mourn the loss of a child. To mourn the destruction of a school. And still, to dream of a better future, and to not hold a grudge. To not want revenge and only to want peace. That is powerful. That is what we all strive for and who we strive to be. We cannot resort to “price tag” racist retaliation. We cannot resort to the belief that you harmed me so I must harm you. We are better than that. We must be better than that.

Last Shabbat, we read Parashat Vayishlach. In this Torah portion, we find Jacob journeying to reunite with his brother Esau. Jacob attempts to buy forgiveness, as we see in Gen. 32:6:

I have acquired cattle, donkeys, sheep, servants, and I send this message to you in hopes of gaining your favor.

Jacob hoped that if he gave Esau enough gifts, all would be forgotten – the lopsided birthright for soup exchange and the stolen blessing from their father. When Jacob heard instead that Esau was coming to meet him, he was fearful that Esau would attack him.

Finally, after sending his family ahead, after wrestling with an angel, he saw Esau coming towards him, accompanied by 400 men. Jacob was scared. And Esau came running towards him, but not to attack. As we read in Genesis 33:4:

And Esau ran to greet him and embraced him, hugged him, fell on his neck, and kissed him and wept.

In a way, as if Esau was letting go as well, letting go of the grief, letting go of the grudge, he leaned on his brother Jacob, fell on his neck, and just began wailing. He was emotionally exhausted from hating him, from being so angry with him and realizing that this got him nowhere. Esau let it go. And not only was Jacob better off as a result. Esau was better off as well.

We focus on Jacob and Esau and how our tradition made Jacob the hero and Esau the scapegoat. Yet, I want to take it one step further. We can’t just say that Esau was innocent and got a bad rap. We must actually strive to be like Esau. We must be more like Esau. As difficult as repentance is, it’s easy to ask for forgiveness once we realize that we have done wrong. It is much harder to have been wronged and victimized and still be willing to forgive.

We must be brave and courageous enough to let it go and forgive. We must always be willing to hug and embrace someone and move on. May we be strong enough to forgive. May we be strong enough to be like Esau.

– Rabbi Jesse M. Olitzky

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